Build Me a Home

The past few weeks have been filled with so many emotions. Some days I am frustrated, confused, and lost; others I am filled with direction, determination, and joy. The experience of language school has been one to test my faith. Some days I fear that I am losing faith and the will to continue, but I know that to be false for the simple fact that I wake up each day willing to try again. Even though things here have been difficult, the Lord is providing for me in big ways. As you probably already know, Erika was with me for my first week of language school. Once she left, I really made friends with some of the students at IDEAL. Two of the students are missionaries and seminarians. It is a blessing to have people around me that share (somewhat) the same vocation as I do, as well as, the same faith. It has made my time here easier. I actually have friends to go to mass with and to hang out with. I actually have friends to have bible studies with. I am also beginning to feel like Selene, Carlos, and Coco (my host family) are family. My favorite time of the day with my family is dinner time, because I love to hear the silly stories of Coco (she is ten), even though sometimes I cannot understand them! :)

Last week I had one really good day. One of the prayers I have been praying since I've been here is, "Lord, please show me what my mission is here." Because I know so little Spanish I am tempted to say I can't do missions here in Cuernavaca because there is still such a large language barrier, but then I remember Mrs. Genie saying, "Can you smile? Then you can be a missionary!" On Wednesday my friend Som was putting on the communion service at the church we go to and he asked if I could type up his sermon so he could translate it to Spanish on his computer. I said yes and actually felt like I was contributing to the building of the kingdom. I know that the Lord can use my talents here in Cuernavaca whether I can speak Spanish or not. I know that serving my host family each day is being missionary. I know that smiling at the people I pass in the street is being missionary. I know that praying for my brothers and sisters in the mission field as well as all of my loved ones is being missionary. I know that I am being used by the Lord in many small ways.

As usual, one of my struggles has been to stay in the present moment. I keep finding myself thinking, "What's next? Where am I going to go?" I don't want to continue wishing the present away by thinking of the future. I know that the Lord has plans for me in the present and plans for my future. I know that He will reveal my future plans in His perfect timing. SARAH, DON'T WISH YOUR LIFE AWAY! Please be praying for me to embrace Cuernavaca as my home for now and to patiently wait on what the Lord has for me next.

"Your life in Christ makes you strong, and his love comforts you. You have fellowship with the Spirit, and you have kindness and compassion for for one another." Philippians 2:1

Mi iglesia (sorry it's not the greatest picture)Jardin BordaInside Jardin Borda

I'll end with this, "Build me a home inside your scars. Build me a home inside your open arms, the only place I ever will belong." Jon Foreman

So, I know that you can be overwhelmed and that you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?

So, about the title of this blog entry, I know that you cannot ever be whelmed. I wonder what it would feel like if you could? Think about it...

On Sunday, the 13th, I left Louisiana to fly to Mexico. Our flight left at 6 am. First, we flew to Atlanta where Erika and I just barely made our flight. We waited only five minutes before boarding. God protected us from missing our flight! We landed in Mexico City at 11:15 am. Once we landed, we had to go through customs and then we were on a journey to find food!
We found some at Carls Jr., I think that is what it is called, in the airport. After we ate, we wandered around until we found the bus station and purchased our tickets to Cuernavaca. The bus ride was about an hour long. It was a pretty nice bus ride. We were offered free drinks and snacks on the bus. I had a manzana lift, which is my new favorite drink. It is like a fizzy apple juice! I actually fell asleep on the bus ride because I was so tired from the day of travel. I am a new traveler. I haven't been many places and this was only my second time flying.

Once we arrived in Cuernavaca, our host family picked us up from the bus station and brought us to our new home.
Sunday evening/night was very laid-back. Erika and I ate lunch with our host family (Carlos and Selene) and spent most of our time in our room resting.

Monday was my first day of language school. After about 15 minutes with my teacher I was overwhelmed! I don't think it was possible for me to mentally prepare for language school. It is the hardest thing that I've done in my life, so far. It is the first time that I feel like a foreigner. Not only am I having to learn a new language, but I am having to learn a new culture and a new city. It is definitely a humbling experience. Mr. Frank says that learning a new language tears you down. It is very true. I have to start from the very beginning and learn how to pronounce words, learn vocabulary, and structure my sentences. Spanish is so different from English, but once I learn how to speak it, I have a feeling I will like it more than English! So, to sum up my first day of language school, we will use the word overwhelmed.

Tuesday was a really good day. I felt like I was grasping things better and I actually had a small conversation with my teacher (Lily) about my family. I felt like I actually accomplished something! In the afternoon Estella (my afternoon teacher) and I went to el centro (downtown) to explore. El centro aqui (Downtown here) reminds me of downtown in a big city. It is very busy and full of little shops, restaurants, parks, and big buildings! To get downtown, Estella and I took a bus. Wednesday, today, I had a rough morning. I was having such a hard time pronouncing words and it was really frustrating. I even cried a little. I am finally allowing myself to be vulnerable and be frustrated for a moment and then move on. After I cried, I felt a little better and was better able to concentrate in class. The rest of my day was really good. I feel like I know my vocabulary words a lot better. I am still having a hard to with giving directions, or telling you where things are, so if you don't know where things are, don't ask me this week! Maybe I'll be better next week! I am also learning that I am not a very descriptive person, something to work on.

All in all my experience in language school has been great. I am no longer overwhelmed, nor am I underwhelmed. I think I am just whelmed! :)

"I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am week, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

Adios!

Mexico, here I come!

The waiting has finally paid off! My training for missions ended in early December and I have been state-side ever since, waiting to go into missions. My time state-side has not been wasted at all. The Lord did some fine tuning in my heart and life and redirected my focus back on Him, where it should always be. He taught me perseverance, which is a really important virtue to have, especially in missions.

On Friday March 4, Erika, my mission partner, and I bought our plane tickets to Mexico City! We are flying out of Lafayette, La on March 13. I am going to language school before going to my mission post in General Cepeda. The Language school I will be attending is Ideal in Cuernavaca, Mexico.


I will be there for a month. School is five days a week, five hours a day. We will have homework and activities within the city. Please be praying for me. Please pray that I will be a sponge and soak up all the Spanish I am hearing.

A Few Firsts for the Week:
Monday- I rode horses for the first time. I actually rode a horse by myself! It was such a freeing feeling to be up there as Jose, the horse I rode, trotted and ran. I think I was born to be a country girl!

Thursday- I made my confirmation! My cousin Brooke and I made our confirmation together. It was a glorious event! When the Bishop anointed my head with oil, I felt overwhelming peace and I knew it was the holy Spirit coming upon me. I am excited to walk in the new graces I've received from being confirmed in the Church. How perfect it is to be newly confirmed and being sent out on mission!

May God bless YOU in all that YOU do!

"This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine!"

Does God ever hit you on top of the head?

Hello, how are YOU? I'm fantastic....thank you so much for asking!!

So, I'm not sure if I actually mentioned it in my previous post, but for the last month and a half, I've gone through a spiritually dry season. I know that everyone feels that God is distant sometimes, but it is never easy to go through. Well, I was talking to my roommate Susanna about my spiritual drought around a week ago. She told me that sometimes something in our lives makes God distant, like sin or something like that. I told her I couldn't think of anything. She said for me to pray about it and ask God. Well I realized how negative I had been for the past month and a half and I told Susanna that I thought maybe that was it. That night I prayed before I went to bed for the Lord to help me to let go of the negativity in my life.

I woke up the next day with a smile on my face and singing praises to my Jesus! The drought felt over. I could feel the love of the Lord all around me! It was AMAZING! I spent the whole day pretty much smiling and singing praises.

The next day when my alarm rang, instead of getting up a little early to have my personal prayer time, I snoozed until the last possible minute to get up in time for community prayer. I thought, "Well, I'll just spend time with the Lord after community prayer." Immediately after prayer, Mrs. Genie had specific tasks for ALL of us to do to help her with finishing her book. My task was to go to Our Lady on the Bayou to pick up some stuff. I decided that I would just spend some time in the chapel at Our Lady on the Bayou to pray.

I did that and received a reading...a reading that kind of hit me on the head and pierced my heart.

"You are patient, you have suffered for my sake, and you have not given up." Revelation 2:3

After reading this part of the reading I received, I thought, "yes, I have been so patient during my spiritual dryness. I didn't give up. I continued to seek the Lord." I didn't expect to read what I read next.

"But this is what I have against you: you do not love me now as you did at first." Revelation 2:4

Ouch. That is a hard verse to swallow. I know that it is so true. I haven't been loving the Lord now as I did at first. I used to sacrifice for him daily. I used to wake up extra early to spend time in prayer and seek the Lord through His word. What I have been doing lately is fitting Him in where ever I have five minutes or so. Why would I expect to feel Him near when I have slowly been pushing Him away. No relationship would last if one person was only giving the other person the time left over in the day. Why did I think that this was okay?

Again, thank goodness that his mercies are new each day and that we have a fresh start every day!

This week, I've been receiving a lot of verses on dying. In Romans it says, "For when we die, we are set free from the power of sin. Since we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him." Romans 6:7-8

I know that the Lord is calling me to die to myself every day. I know I have to abandon my will so that He can reveal His will for me. I also know that in dying to my flesh, and becoming nothing, He will raise me up.

So, to sum up the life lessons in this blog: "Love the Lord your God with all you heart, all you soul, all your might, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 and die to yourself so that you can live with Christ.

Since we've made it through the life lessons for the week, I'd like to share some highlights....

I made homemade pizza for the first time...I mean completely homemade. Homemade dough and homemade sauce!

Doesn't it look delicious? It was pretty yummy if I do say so myself.

Faith Camp Valentines dance at Our Lady on the Bayou

Cajun dancing with friends at Randols in Lafayette

Well guys, I hope you've enjoyed this post. Have a blessed week!

Are you comfortable?

I apologize to YOU all for not doing a better job of keeping up with my blog. I've surprisingly been really busy, but that is not an excuse!

I would like to update you guys on what's been going on in the month of January and the beginning of February.

At the beginning of January I moved back to Big Woods in Abbeville, La where my mission company's base is located. I've had the opportunity to serve in our office here and see how much work really goes into missions. It has been really blessed to get to know everyone in the office a little better and to be able to use my time to give them a hand. Around January 16th we said farewell to the Eckstine family and Sidney Savoie, who are now at their first mission post in St. Lucia. I must admit that I am slightly jealous of them being in mission already! :)

January 20th, James, Susanna, and I left Louisiana and headed up north to Steubenville. We spent almost 24 hours in a car straight! It was quite an adventure! I saw snow for the FIRST time!! Woo Hoo!! It was absolutely beautiful! I was able to meet some really awesome people and experience my first Festival of Praise at Franciscan University. We didn't really make plans on where to stay while we were on our adventure, but the Lord provided in big ways! Our first night in Steubenville, we were welcomed by some of our friend's friends. The next night we stayed with some of James' friends. Each place we went, we were completely welcomed and greeted with hugs! It was amazing for me to see that when we share Christ, we truly are family! After spending two days in Steubenville, we hopped back into the car to travel to D.C. There, Susanna's uncle provided us a place to stay. On Monday the 24th, James, Susanna and I met up with Teresa Reardon (another missionary with FMC) at the youth rally for the March for Life. It was an awesome rally! We all participated in the March for Life. It was definitely a great experience! We finally made it back to Louisiana on 26th. I don't think I've ever traveled that many miles in such a short time! It was truly an exciting adventure! I spent the next week trying to get back into the swing of things and to catch up on rest!

So, remember how I said earlier that I was slightly jealous of the St. Lucia team already being on mission? Well, I've had a hard time still being stateside and waiting on the Lord's timing for me to move to Mexico. It's not easy waiting! I've completely had a bad attitude about being state side and I've forgotten what the Lord has called me to. In the last few weeks I've become very comfortable with my walk and relationship with the Lord. I've been putting in minimal time with Him and not really looking for opportunities to serve and love my brothers and sisters in Christ. When the opportunities to serve would come up, I would do the things that would take the least amount of effort and the least amount of my time. I've become very selfish in the last few weeks.

No beuno!

I am thankful that His mercies are new each day and He doesn't let us stray too far!

This past week I've been given three opportunities to serve and with each one I said yes, but was grumbling inside and sometimes aloud about it. On Tuesday I was given the opportunity to speak at a Catholic school in Franklin, La. Susanna and I shared about the missionary vocation to a group of seventh graders, a group of seniors, and a group of sophomores. I had forgotten how wonderful it feels to share what the Lord has done in my life this past year and to share missions with others. Second opportunity to serve was Wednesday. FMC put on a little family retreat about the domestic church. My attitude going into this event was, "I served yesterday, what do you mean I have to do it again today?" What?? I'm ashamed to admit how bad my attitude really was. I served that night, but my heart was not in it at all. The very next day John Paul Summers, the youth minister for FMC, asked Susanna and me if we could help him with a conformation retreat on Saturday. Susanna said yes immediately and I said yes a little later after grumbling a little.

I decided Saturday morning before we left for the retreat that I wasn't going to hold back for this opportunity. I decided before I left that I was going to be positive and joyful. Once we got to the retreat and spent a little time with the students, I felt the need to share my testimony. I told John Paul and we decided where it would fit in best. When the time approached for me to get up and share, I didn't think I would even be able to stand up because I was having a terrible anxiety attack. I'm thankful that the Lord takes care of us because John Paul completely forgot that I was sharing! I brought it to his attention that I was supposed to share and we decided that it would be best later in the evening.

In the middle of our praise and worship time I really felt the holy Spirit nudging me to get up and share and so I did. The Lord provided me with the words to say and calmed my nerves for the short time I was up there in front of the students. Again, I was reminded of how good it feels to do work for the Lord and I felt blessed to be His servant!

I realize now that my bad attitude and grumbling was sort of out of fear. I have become afraid, again, of putting myself out there for the Lord and allowing Him to use me. I have become afraid of being uncomfortable and maybe, possibly making a fool of myself. Sarah, fear is not of God! Sarah, this life is NOT about you!

The lessons that I have learned in this month are that the Lord's timing is ALWAYS perfect. I have learned that I'm not in Mexico yet because there are things that the Lord wants me to do right here in Louisiana. I have learned that I need to look for the opportunities to serve while I'm still stateside EVERYDAY and I need to serve with an open and joyful heart. I have learned that it is NEVER okay to get comfortable in my faith!

I am looking forward to the upcoming weeks and the opportunities to share my faith with others.

Please be praying for me. Pray that I will receive the grace I need to do the Lord's will each and everyday, and to wait for His precious timing. You are all in my prayers!

God Bless!

I've got dreams...

“I’ve got dreams, dreams, dreams to remember…rough dreams, good dreams, dream dreams….” Sing it Ottis!

So…God has put a calling on my life the moment I was conceived in my mother’s womb. I’ve spent the past month reflecting over my life. I’ve laughed about the good times with family and mourned the rough times with God. What I’ve learned in the month of December is that life is a roller coaster ride. It is a roller coaster ride filled with hills and valleys, hoops and fast turns, excitement and fear. Without each section of the rollercoaster ride, life would not be as meaningful. We all need to learn to take the good with the bad, the ugly with the beautiful, and the laughter with tears. Life is completely a balancing act of finding creative outlets to let out our pinned up emotions. I used to think that life was all about being as strong as you possibly can on your own…..being as successful as you can on your own, and then spend my days hidden away in a room afraid to express any emotion, afraid to live.

Why do we do that? Why do we hide from life? Why is the unknown so scary?

It shouldn’t be….don’t we have hope?

I can’t help but be fill with conviction lately because every time I open up my bible I am reminded that life is not about me. I keep reading things from the great prophets of old. I’ve read in Isaiah where he writes, “The LORD said, ‘Earth and sky, listen to what I am saying! The children I brought up have rebelled against me. Cattle know who owns them, and donkeys know where their master feeds them. But that is more than my people Israel know. They don’t understand at all.’” Isaiah 1:2-3

Wow! That was written how long ago??

If the Lord is telling the Earth and Sky to listen to Him, don’t you think he is trying to get our attention as well? He did, after-all, create us. Why do we live life at such a fast pace, when it is supposed to be an enjoyable roller coaster ride?

I’ve begun to do this new thing where I surrender my WHOLE self over to God every day and ask His Spirit to lead my path of footprints. When I actually let go of everything He orchestrates incredible miracles.

My fear of being uncomfortable and my fear of the unknown and my worry of tomorrow is diminishing more and more everyday because I have experienced the TRUE LOVE of MY God!

My challenge to ALL of you is to hop on board to this wonderful roller-coaster ride of life and start reaping the beautiful benefits OUR God wants to give us!

“I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippines 4:13

Oh… BTW I have a few updates for you guys:

1. I was able to speak at St. Paul’s parish and fund raise for missions. God bless ALL of you at St. Paul’s! Thank you so much for your generosity!

2. I will be going to language school in the next month or two in Mexico, be praying for me to know when God’s timing for this is.

3. In February some time I am going down to General with my mission team of Erika and the Baquets. Please pray for our safety and our ability to surrender our will’s to hear what God’s will is for us!

Well, it’s been lovely chatting with YOU, but it is now time for me to go to bed. Good night and God Bless!!

“Tremble with fear and stop sinning; think deeply about this, when you lie in silence on your beds. Offer the right sacrifices to the LORD, and put your trust in him.” Psalm 4:4-5

Don’t Forget Who You Are!

Don’t forget who you are!

Hello, my name is Sarah Carroll and I have a problem. I have what is called general anxiety disorder that requires me to take medication everyday. If I don’t take the medication that I need there are some pretty crazy (kind of funny) side effects. When I went to General Cepeda on mission in November I was feeling so good that I forgot to take my medication, I mean how easy is it to forget something that you need when you are feeling so good you feel like you don’t need medication.

Well I forgot to take my medication and I also willingly broke my singles commitment I made in September when I joined FMC. Terrible decisions. Don’t forget who you are!!! When I joined Intake in September, I became so worried about what my brothers and sisters in Christ would think of me that I wasn’t quite myself. I am a loud, obnoxious, opinionated person who likes to express my opinion.
I am also a rule follower so much so that it is almost a fault (laugh it’s funny). I am an artist, scientist, nurturer. Lover of God and daughter of God. During Intake I held back big time because I thought people wouldn’t accept my disorder and accept my personality. What a lie from Satan! You have to watch out for him, he’ll get you every time!

Throughout Intake I trusted God, but partly took my life into my own hands thinking I needed to control every situation, “Sarah, you are not in control, God is!!!” As some of you may have read previously in my blog, when God speaks to me and tells me what he wants me to do, He has to scream at me because I am sooooo stubborn. To get me to FMC, he had to make it rain in a desert, not dessert (previous blonde moment :-) ) Plans were being made for me to go to Philippines with the Alvarez family and I thought, “Wow, what a great plan, I can be super woman and fly across the world and help so many children.” I, I, I, how many times did I think what does God want? Where is God sending me? I didn’t. I took control yet again.

Don’t forget who you are and who is in control! While Susanna came home for Thanksgiving with me to meet all of my friends and family, the people that I love so dearly in Florida, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep because I love my sister Susanna so much and I wanted to show her how wonderful my family is and my whole world in Florida. “Sarah, what is more important sleeping so that you are healthy or showing someone your family?” Both things are very important, but in the right context. Health is more important sometimes than doing ministry because if we aren’t healthy how can we serve God? I also couldn’t sleep in Florida because I needed to talk to Frank and Genie (my missionary parents) about the singles commitment I made and willingly disobeyed. Again big time rule follower, I can’t stand breaking rules.

In the past week I’ve had the hugest meltdown that I’ve ever had in my life and it has been a total gift from God. During my meltdown I’ve had so many flashbacks of my past life. My past life is in the past, not right now in the moment and I forgot that. God has huge plans for me and I don’t know what they are yet. All I know is that I love him so much, I love people so much, I love learning about new cultures, I love missions, I love life, I love children, I love talking, I love teaching.
All I know is that for the month of December he wants me to be with my family and I am okay with that. He knows better than I do, and I have to learn to trust him every moment of every day. I have to let him teach me how to live for today and think of today. Planning is a great thing to do, but not if it drives you crazy! Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and be okay with it. I hope you’ve enjoyed my story. I for the first time in my life feel like I really have a real story to share an I’m so excited to share it with the world!!!