Don’t forget who you are!
Hello, my name is Sarah Carroll and I have a problem. I have what is called general anxiety disorder that requires me to take medication everyday. If I don’t take the medication that I need there are some pretty crazy (kind of funny) side effects. When I went to General Cepeda on mission in November I was feeling so good that I forgot to take my medication, I mean how easy is it to forget something that you need when you are feeling so good you feel like you don’t need medication.
Well I forgot to take my medication and I also willingly broke my singles commitment I made in September when I joined FMC. Terrible decisions. Don’t forget who you are!!! When I joined Intake in September, I became so worried about what my brothers and sisters in Christ would think of me that I wasn’t quite myself. I am a loud, obnoxious, opinionated person who likes to express my opinion.
I am also a rule follower so much so that it is almost a fault (laugh it’s funny). I am an artist, scientist, nurturer. Lover of God and daughter of God. During Intake I held back big time because I thought people wouldn’t accept my disorder and accept my personality. What a lie from Satan! You have to watch out for him, he’ll get you every time!
Throughout Intake I trusted God, but partly took my life into my own hands thinking I needed to control every situation, “Sarah, you are not in control, God is!!!” As some of you may have read previously in my blog, when God speaks to me and tells me what he wants me to do, He has to scream at me because I am sooooo stubborn. To get me to FMC, he had to make it rain in a desert, not dessert (previous blonde moment :-) ) Plans were being made for me to go to Philippines with the Alvarez family and I thought, “Wow, what a great plan, I can be super woman and fly across the world and help so many children.” I, I, I, how many times did I think what does God want? Where is God sending me? I didn’t. I took control yet again.
Don’t forget who you are and who is in control! While Susanna came home for Thanksgiving with me to meet all of my friends and family, the people that I love so dearly in Florida, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep because I love my sister Susanna so much and I wanted to show her how wonderful my family is and my whole world in Florida. “Sarah, what is more important sleeping so that you are healthy or showing someone your family?” Both things are very important, but in the right context. Health is more important sometimes than doing ministry because if we aren’t healthy how can we serve God? I also couldn’t sleep in Florida because I needed to talk to Frank and Genie (my missionary parents) about the singles commitment I made and willingly disobeyed. Again big time rule follower, I can’t stand breaking rules.
In the past week I’ve had the hugest meltdown that I’ve ever had in my life and it has been a total gift from God. During my meltdown I’ve had so many flashbacks of my past life. My past life is in the past, not right now in the moment and I forgot that. God has huge plans for me and I don’t know what they are yet. All I know is that I love him so much, I love people so much, I love learning about new cultures, I love missions, I love life, I love children, I love talking, I love teaching.
All I know is that for the month of December he wants me to be with my family and I am okay with that. He knows better than I do, and I have to learn to trust him every moment of every day. I have to let him teach me how to live for today and think of today. Planning is a great thing to do, but not if it drives you crazy! Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and be okay with it. I hope you’ve enjoyed my story. I for the first time in my life feel like I really have a real story to share an I’m so excited to share it with the world!!!