Friday, December 31, 2010

I've got dreams...

“I’ve got dreams, dreams, dreams to remember…rough dreams, good dreams, dream dreams….” Sing it Ottis!

So…God has put a calling on my life the moment I was conceived in my mother’s womb. I’ve spent the past month reflecting over my life. I’ve laughed about the good times with family and mourned the rough times with God. What I’ve learned in the month of December is that life is a roller coaster ride. It is a roller coaster ride filled with hills and valleys, hoops and fast turns, excitement and fear. Without each section of the rollercoaster ride, life would not be as meaningful. We all need to learn to take the good with the bad, the ugly with the beautiful, and the laughter with tears. Life is completely a balancing act of finding creative outlets to let out our pinned up emotions. I used to think that life was all about being as strong as you possibly can on your own…..being as successful as you can on your own, and then spend my days hidden away in a room afraid to express any emotion, afraid to live.

Why do we do that? Why do we hide from life? Why is the unknown so scary?

It shouldn’t be….don’t we have hope?

I can’t help but be fill with conviction lately because every time I open up my bible I am reminded that life is not about me. I keep reading things from the great prophets of old. I’ve read in Isaiah where he writes, “The LORD said, ‘Earth and sky, listen to what I am saying! The children I brought up have rebelled against me. Cattle know who owns them, and donkeys know where their master feeds them. But that is more than my people Israel know. They don’t understand at all.’” Isaiah 1:2-3

Wow! That was written how long ago??

If the Lord is telling the Earth and Sky to listen to Him, don’t you think he is trying to get our attention as well? He did, after-all, create us. Why do we live life at such a fast pace, when it is supposed to be an enjoyable roller coaster ride?

I’ve begun to do this new thing where I surrender my WHOLE self over to God every day and ask His Spirit to lead my path of footprints. When I actually let go of everything He orchestrates incredible miracles.

My fear of being uncomfortable and my fear of the unknown and my worry of tomorrow is diminishing more and more everyday because I have experienced the TRUE LOVE of MY God!

My challenge to ALL of you is to hop on board to this wonderful roller-coaster ride of life and start reaping the beautiful benefits OUR God wants to give us!

“I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippines 4:13

Oh… BTW I have a few updates for you guys:

1. I was able to speak at St. Paul’s parish and fund raise for missions. God bless ALL of you at St. Paul’s! Thank you so much for your generosity!

2. I will be going to language school in the next month or two in Mexico, be praying for me to know when God’s timing for this is.

3. In February some time I am going down to General with my mission team of Erika and the Baquets. Please pray for our safety and our ability to surrender our will’s to hear what God’s will is for us!

Well, it’s been lovely chatting with YOU, but it is now time for me to go to bed. Good night and God Bless!!

“Tremble with fear and stop sinning; think deeply about this, when you lie in silence on your beds. Offer the right sacrifices to the LORD, and put your trust in him.” Psalm 4:4-5

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Don’t Forget Who You Are!

Don’t forget who you are!

Hello, my name is Sarah Carroll and I have a problem. I have what is called general anxiety disorder that requires me to take medication everyday. If I don’t take the medication that I need there are some pretty crazy (kind of funny) side effects. When I went to General Cepeda on mission in November I was feeling so good that I forgot to take my medication, I mean how easy is it to forget something that you need when you are feeling so good you feel like you don’t need medication.

Well I forgot to take my medication and I also willingly broke my singles commitment I made in September when I joined FMC. Terrible decisions. Don’t forget who you are!!! When I joined Intake in September, I became so worried about what my brothers and sisters in Christ would think of me that I wasn’t quite myself. I am a loud, obnoxious, opinionated person who likes to express my opinion.
I am also a rule follower so much so that it is almost a fault (laugh it’s funny). I am an artist, scientist, nurturer. Lover of God and daughter of God. During Intake I held back big time because I thought people wouldn’t accept my disorder and accept my personality. What a lie from Satan! You have to watch out for him, he’ll get you every time!

Throughout Intake I trusted God, but partly took my life into my own hands thinking I needed to control every situation, “Sarah, you are not in control, God is!!!” As some of you may have read previously in my blog, when God speaks to me and tells me what he wants me to do, He has to scream at me because I am sooooo stubborn. To get me to FMC, he had to make it rain in a desert, not dessert (previous blonde moment :-) ) Plans were being made for me to go to Philippines with the Alvarez family and I thought, “Wow, what a great plan, I can be super woman and fly across the world and help so many children.” I, I, I, how many times did I think what does God want? Where is God sending me? I didn’t. I took control yet again.

Don’t forget who you are and who is in control! While Susanna came home for Thanksgiving with me to meet all of my friends and family, the people that I love so dearly in Florida, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep because I love my sister Susanna so much and I wanted to show her how wonderful my family is and my whole world in Florida. “Sarah, what is more important sleeping so that you are healthy or showing someone your family?” Both things are very important, but in the right context. Health is more important sometimes than doing ministry because if we aren’t healthy how can we serve God? I also couldn’t sleep in Florida because I needed to talk to Frank and Genie (my missionary parents) about the singles commitment I made and willingly disobeyed. Again big time rule follower, I can’t stand breaking rules.

In the past week I’ve had the hugest meltdown that I’ve ever had in my life and it has been a total gift from God. During my meltdown I’ve had so many flashbacks of my past life. My past life is in the past, not right now in the moment and I forgot that. God has huge plans for me and I don’t know what they are yet. All I know is that I love him so much, I love people so much, I love learning about new cultures, I love missions, I love life, I love children, I love talking, I love teaching.
All I know is that for the month of December he wants me to be with my family and I am okay with that. He knows better than I do, and I have to learn to trust him every moment of every day. I have to let him teach me how to live for today and think of today. Planning is a great thing to do, but not if it drives you crazy! Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and be okay with it. I hope you’ve enjoyed my story. I for the first time in my life feel like I really have a real story to share an I’m so excited to share it with the world!!!